The past two years since 2020 have been such a blur. I graduated college in 2019 with big hopes and sky-high dreams like any young individual. Little did I know that the world would come to a halt soon after. I graduated from NYU with a degree in Fashion and Business. The summer after college I decided to take a break and go on a trip to Europe. I wanted to re-energize myself before entering the working world. When I got back from my trip in September, I began applying for jobs. I knew that getting the job of my dreams, that to in the Fashion Industry wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. The Fashion Industry is one of the toughest industries to break into anyway, but I was determined I will do it. On the other hand, my first book “Through Her Eyes” A Pakistani American’s struggles between two clashing cultures, was all finished and ready to be published. I had my whole 5-year plan set. Was going to get my book published, was going to get the job of my dreams, was going to travel the world as much as possible. Everything was perfectly planned in my head. Then came 2020, a year when the world went into complete halt. Priorities shifted from travel, careers, dreams to survival, staying safe and staying healthy. Plans went into the garbage and staying home and staying safe became the biggest priority. All our life, since a really young age we are taught to hustle, to chase dreams, work hard and attain, beat competition. Whatever it is that you are doing keep doing more more more, so you don’t get left behind in this race of becoming the best and beating competition. Since school, we are taught to keep being in the race, first it’s about grades, then it’s about making it to the honor roll. Then as soon as we get to high school it’s about having the best grade point average so that colleges can accept you. Then in the final two years of high school it’s about college prep, and SAT scores. There is just so much pressure that if you don’t get the best SAT score, you won’t get into a good college. On top of that you start comparing your score with your peers and classmates, which obviously sparks a fire in you that I want to better than everyone else. Then when you make it to college, again you are trying to get the best grades possible for grad school. If not grad school, you are trying to focus on giving the best interviews so you can land the job of your dreams. And even for that you won’t be judged by how much passion or enthusiasm you have for the job, but you will judge by a piece of paper called a resume where your internship experience as well as grade point average will be shown. But then you are a part of a competition again because on paper there can be 10,000 other folks like you with good grades, so how do you stand out from the crowd? Internships, People do all sorts of internships, I had four and I thought that was enough until I met a classmate at NYU Stern who had eighteen. I don’t know how but he did lol. But now that the world was at a stop, none of this hustling mattered in the moment. It was stressful because the first three months of lockdown were bliss, spending time with family, playing board games, binge watching all sorts of movies and shows on Netflix. But then a few months later all this anxiety kicks in about the future, because all your life you are taught to chase grades, scores, jobs, beat competition or someone else will get ahead of you. But here people who had established careers for 10 plus years were losing their jobs because of the pandemic so how was I going to even get my feet wet in the practical world as a starting step? So much stress and anxiety kicked in because the future was so uncertain, it was the worst time to apply for jobs and nothing, nothing was going according to plan. Rather everything kept coming as a shock. And all the chaos the pandemic brought with people dying because of covid wasn’t helping my mental health at all. New York, the city that symbolized the “American Dream” for me had now become morbid. With tons of people moving out, streets like Times Square that I had seen crowded as hell all my life were now completely empty with no people on the road, only sounds of Ambulances and freezer trucks carrying bodies of people who had died from covid, because the disease infected bodies had to discarded ASAP. It felt like the whole world had flipped upside down. A city that once symbolized hustle, the idea that once you make it big in New York, you make it big in the world was struggling to make hospital space available to accommodate covid patients. Everything became so morbid. I was grateful to be with my parents at this time in Virginia, away from the mess that New York was at that time but by the end of the year I was mentally exhausted. My future wasn’t going as planned, I hadn’t seen my friends in ages and making plans became scary because nobody wanted to go out anymore, thanks to Covid 19. Then came 2021, which was also a blur and felt like a continuation of 2020. 2021 felt like I was still picking up pieces from the damages that 2020 had brought or trying to get back up on my feet after falling. People were still getting sick, travelling anywhere was still a pain. I got infected with covid, meeting friends, and making plans was still painful because someone in the group would end up getting Covid and we would all go into quarantine. On the professional front, I still couldn’t find a job because tons of people were still getting laid off. Making plans with friends would almost never work out and then the overthinking would kick in that should I even go out? These were thoughts I never had back in college but now it was real. Do I want to go to overcrowded areas? Is it even worth the effort? Overthinking became even worse because now I was thinking too much about everything in life, instead of just living life. Then came 2022, when life was pretty much coming back to normal, working from home had become the new way of life, however Covid and its repercussions in the world were still relevant in life. Professional life wasn’t going as planned and in my personal life, every time I would meet up a friend in the city, something would happen, either we would run into a homeless person on the street who would follow us around through NYC or some random person would spit in our food while walking down McDougal Street (true story). The world was coming back to normal, but nothing felt normal. My friends in NYC from college no longer wanted to hang out late at night anymore because of the creepy people encounters we had at this point on the streets of NYC. My book finally got published since agents and publishers were back in business now, but the world was still not the same. Everyone my age and even recent college grads were still struggling to find proper jobs that aligned with their education. Thinking about all this, made my overthinking worse. Every time something didn’t go my way, it would make me want to break down in tears. At this point, I am much better at handling it but the most important thing I want to teach myself in the new year is letting go. Letting go of expectations and plans and living life as it comes. No one planned for the pandemic, no one knew that two and a half years of our life would go by just trying to survive through a global pandemic. When don’t we even know what’s coming our way tomorrow? Why do we live in this illusion that life is in our control, and everything will happen our way? It doesn’t always play out like that, not everything happens our way in life but in the end, it always happen the way it’s supposed to happen, so I want to free myself of plans and expectations. I want to focus on being grateful every single day for what I already have in life and take each day, each moment as it comes. Of course, I still have plans, I think we all do because hopes and dreams are what keep us alive, however I want to detach myself from how and when my plans will manifest. I want to learn to let go of the idea that I must do things by a certain age or a certain time in my life. Instead, now I pray to God that I want all these, but I want to trust the universe that the things I want will happen when the time is right. This way, at least I am not living each day in the hopes of another day. Instead, I want to live each day for what it is. The good, the bad, the ugly because all is part of being alive. I no longer want to do 5 year or 1-year plans anymore, I want to train myself to think how I can make this day and this moment I am in better. And to accomplish this, I have stopped planning. I still pray for things I want in life, but I am trying to let go of giving myself a strict timeline for them, instead I want those things to manifest naturally. So much of life is spent thinking about things that have already happened in the past or things that will happen in the future and in doing so, we lose the moment we are in today. When all we really have is today, this day, this moment that you are reading this. If you spend your today making the most of what’s in front of you, your tomorrow will take care of itself. That’s the motto, I want to live by in 2023. Completely letting go of what happened in the past in 2020, or 2021, or 2022, I just want to spend 2023 living each day for what it is, without attaching any excessive baggage to it from the previous years. In the new year I want to travel as much as I possibly can to new cities and new countries, exploring and appreciating the world as much as possible. My mom laughs that this isn’t a new year’s resolution but your entire life’s motto, just to travel as much as possible. But other than that, I want to flow like the ocean, always moving forward even when the winds blow against it. I want to live life as it comes, I am now ok with failing, I am okay with struggling, I am okay with falling, I am okay with facing challenges but every single time I want to get back up again and keep going. I am okay with trying again for something. I am okay if something takes longer than planned, BUT I am not ok with stopping. I am not okay with giving up on anything Not at all. Whatever life will bring to me in 2023 I will accept it with arms wide open.